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If you’re one of the couple billion people currently using social media, you’re likely aware that six-pack abs are a highly coveted physical attribute in the world of health and fitness.
It’s virtually impossible to avoid being bombarded with “fitspo” images promoting perky butts and flat stomachs, or praising “pushing through the pain” to get a better looking body. The pursuit of health perfectionism has become an obsession, and a thin waistline adorned with six-pack abs is at the forefront.
Although the visual achievement doesn’t correspond with increased functionality, having a well-defined rectus abdominus has become a symbol of health, strength, and success, and many equate its existence with certain physical and sexual appeal.
For years, having a six-pack was the end-goal of any sort of movement I put my body through. While I eventually developed a greater passion for fitness, my underlying motivation was always to shrink my waistline, flatten my stomach, and obtain a more chiseled core.
Every day, I went to battle with my physique. Gaining pronounced abdominals promised to provide fulfillment, silence my insecurities, and most importantly, I would finally fit the mold of attractiveness as defined by the world around me.
In the end, chasing a body shaped by conventional standards of attraction and achieving my ideal midsection turned out to be a long and dangerous road – and led to hormonal, emotional, and physical issues, which took me years to overcome.
Now that I’m driven by what’s right for my body, not by what’s attractive according to social norms, I don’t give a damn about having six-pack abs. This isn’t because six-pack abs are inherently bad or unhealthy, it’s because the pursuit and achievement of six-pack abs was bad and unhealthy for me. Let me explain.
Why I Don’t Want Six-Pack Abs
1. They serve no functional purpose.
Having a visible six-pack serves no functional purpose for the human body. This is because defined abdominal muscles are usually the result of extraordinary leanness, not increased functionality and strength. While having a strong, stable core is most definitely necessary to support the body – it doesn’t have to be visible to function properly.
For me, achieving a six-pack was detrimental to my overall strength because of the tremendous effort it took reduce my body fat percentage. Genetically, I am not a “very lean” individual (my booty has been where it’s at since puberty), and becoming that way required eating too little, and working out too much. As a result, I suffered from chronic injuries because I trained intensely without proper recovery or rest.
This isn’t to say that very lean individuals will automatically have six-pack abs, as training is absolutely necessary for abdominal wall definition. However, if your body isn’t genetically very lean like mine, forcing it body into this state can be unhealthy – and entirely miserable.
2. It won’t make me any healthier.
Because having a six-pack serves no functional purpose, it’s safe to assume it also doesn’t provide any added health benefits. There are plenty of healthy, fit and athletic men and women without a six-pack, many of whom are stronger and faster than those who sport abdominal definition. On the flip side, there are also people who have a six-pack, but are unhealthy and/or lack functional strength.
Of course, there are also many healthy, strong and vibrant individuals with a six-pack, but – the six-pack isn’t creating their health. Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and is the result of positive inputs such as proper food, training, sleep and stress-reduction. For me, achieving the leanness needed to sport a six-pack compromised the state my health, and maintaining it represented the opposite of what I value about my health today.
3. I want to have my period.
In addition to being cold all the time and struggling with anxiety, I also lost my period while pursuing a six-pack. Amenorrhea, the absence of one or more menstrual periods, is typically caused by hormonal disturbances. Training too much, eating too little, and reducing my body weight eventually caused hypothalamic amenorrhea, a condition characterized by low levels of reproductive hormones needed to kick-start the menstrual cycle.
Because women are genetically designed to carry more body fat, having a “low” body weight can compromise reproduction function. While the root cause may have more to do with absolute energy balance, and the difference between intake (food) vs output (activity), for me, once my body weight dropped below my natural (not-so-super-lean) set point – my period disappeared. Because I value my body’s amazing capability to reproduce, getting lean and sporting a six-pack means just about nothing to me now in the grand scheme of things.
It’s important to note, you and I are not the same person. Genetically, some women are naturally very lean, and others are not. (Hi, that’s me!) Every woman has her own biochemical individuality, and there is no one body weight or set point that represents “health” for everyone.
4. I like to support my body with food.
To achieve the leanness needed see abdominal definition, I had to eat less food than my body required. As a result, I became obsessed with my food intake, and it was all I thought about every-second-of-the-day. I continually had to “coach” myself into eating less, and I avoided social situations that would potentially cause me to eat like a normal person.
Because I was eating below my necessary caloric needs, I didn’t recover well from my training, and I was much more prone to injury. I also went through bouts of depression and anxiety, and eventually developed major disordered eating tendencies that lasted for years.
Now that I have a healthy relationship with food and I’m absolutely in love with how it nourishes my body, nothing is worth returning to my former ways. Continuous food restriction meant going to combat with my body every day, and it eventually lead to a level of self-hatred that crippled my quality of life. Loving the way I look, what my body does for me, and not thinking twice about eating chocolate at 3pm is worth way more than anything a six-pack has to offer.
5. I dig my metabolism.
Metabolism refers to the anabolic (rebuilding) and catabolic (disassembling) reactions that occur in the body. Metabolism is fueled by the food we eat, because our body needs specific nutrients in order for these reactions to occur.
When nutrients are restricted or reduced below what is needed, the body downregulates overall metabolism to adapt to the intake. This beautiful survival mechanism allowed our ancestors to live when food was scarce. Unfortunately, for people who go on restrictive diets, this means any attempt to “unrestrict” food intake usually results in weight gain.
After drastically reducing my caloric intake for a period of time, I eventually stopped losing weight and thought I just need to run harder, eat better and practice more “willpower” to continue being successful. If I increased my food intake (usually due to excessive hunger), I gained weight instantaneously. Now, I am able to listen to my body, eat until I am full, and enjoy a treat every now and then – and I’ve maintained the same weight for years without thinking about it.
6. It’s a poor use of my time.
Achieving six-pack abs is not something that happens overnight. For the majority of people, having a defined abdominal wall takes a lot of work and sacrifice, and the same amount of dedication must be put into maintaining the look.
The amount of time I spent working out and focusing on food in order to change my body could have been put towards so many other incredibly productive outlets, like my career, volunteer work, spreading the love of Jesus – or actually dating. In fact, pursuing the lean dream is partly why I totally blew off Mr. Coconuts for a good five months before we finally started dating. Oddly enough, I was so focus on achieving a “perfect” body to become more attractive that I didn’t have time for people who actually found me attractive.
7. I have other fitness goals.
As we just established, achieving a six-pack takes a hella lot of work. In the past when abdominal definition was the end-goal, almost all of my fitness time was dedicated to becoming lean. This lead to a lot of “junk” miles and boring cardio workouts, and if I missed a workout – I felt guilty and worthless.
Now, I love my relationship with fitness. I workout when I feel healthy enough to, and I only do activities that I enjoy. This has resulted in accomplishing amazing things I never thought my broken body would be able to do, like dead-hang pull-ups and 200 lb deadlifts. I am healthier, stronger, and more fit than I’ve ever been before, and I have no interest in giving that up.
8. I don’t want more attention from people that only give you attention if you have a six pack.
While there are many reasons people desire to have a six-pack, at its core (pun intended), my desire for a six-pack was simply a desire for approval.
Despite having an amazing family, incredible friends, and supportive mentors, I felt it was necessary to achieve a body that would be undeniably attractive to all the people I perceived were judging me. If I looked like a bombshell, I thought I would officially gain some sort of “one-up” on the world around me.
I failed to connect the dots that the people I was working so hard to impress were people I had no interest in including in my life. Those who only found people with six-pack abs “worthy” of attention held none of the same values as I did, and in reality – their approval provided no fulfillment or meaning.
It wasn’t until I honestly answered the question “Who am I doing this for?” that I began to see things in a different light. For years, I convinced myself that pursing a six-pack was for my own health and happiness. Truth be told, I would have never been happy or satisfied with my appearance, and if I hadn’t sustained a serious injury that demanded I reevaluate my intentions – I would have spiraled into a deep dark hole of never good enough.
In reality – while most people find six-pack abs a “nice” feature, only 2% of people actually consider it a requirement of physical attractiveness. TWO PERCENT. So, the majority of men and women pursing a six-pack in order to become more “attractive” are doing so in hopes of becoming acceptable to the two percent of people who consider it a requirement of physical attractiveness.
Only 2% of people actually consider six-pack abs a requirement of physical attractiveness.Because I’m no longer interested in pleasing this two percent of people, and I personally don’t find six-pack abs a requirement of physical attractiveness, pursing a six-pack would be a complete waste of my time.
So you think six-pack abs are BAD?
To reiterate, I do not think six-pack abs are inherently bad or unhealthy. If you’re sportin’ a six-pack and have a vibrant, healthy body and outlook on life – keep at it! I dig your dedication and drive to take care of your temple. High-five!
For me, pursing a six-pack stole my health and happiness, and the significant amount of sacrifice it took to become lean provided little (if any) reward. I have found much more fulfillment in eating and training well, treating my body with love, and appreciating all the amazing things my body does for me each day.
So, next time you’re so inclined to “pin” an image adorned with six-pack abs designed to tell you “your body isn’t good enough unless it looks like this” – I challenge you to ask yourself, “Who am I doing this for?”
Keepin’ it human,
michelle says
Thank you so much for writing this and posting your own pictures. Man, you are fierce!, and your perspective are so real and so dang refreshing
Noelle says
Thanks Michelle. I SO appreciate your support!
Sarah says
I enjoy your honesty and I agree with your perspective 100% . I was stressing out so much most of my life over trying to achieve abs. I am tired od starving, not enjoying delicious food etc. I feel like a weight has been lifted after i stopped counting calories and following diet plans. I am now just eating clean healthy foods, odd dessert here and there and working out for strength and a sound mind. Its nice to read your thoughts and make me feel not so alone! F#*@k abs!
Kristin says
Bravo!!! Refreshing post.
Noelle says
Thanks Kristin! 🙂
Emily says
I absolutely loved reading this article. I am not built to be lean either (massive glutes/legs packed with muscle, and just a very athletic frame all over), and I used to strive so hard for that “skinny girl ab cuts” I see so much on Instagram and online. I’ve just recently started truly embracing my body type thanks to crossfit and bootcamp workouts and have scrapped my ideal about needing to see my abs.
Noelle says
Good for you, Emily! Sounds like you have a healthy, and strong body. Keep it up! 🙂
Megan White says
Well written – it needed to be said! I love that your body is healthy, lean and strong – and that you love it just the way it is!
Noelle says
Megan – thank you! 🙂 I love having your support!
G says
Hi. I tried eating almost nothing to get lean. Naturally, I look slim. But to be skinny so that my abs look visible, I had to starve. It was soooooo hard. I achieved it,but felt exausted. I had no energy for enjoying my life. To live through that constant hunger is what I consider torture and is not much different from anorexia. A lot of those lean and ribbed fitness people are simply muscular anorexics ( unless they are genetically naturally lean) . I decided to just take care of me without extreme measures and to love me the way I am. From my experience, six pack abs is, in one word, hunger. And if I love myself, I will not let me live in a constant agony of chronic hunger.
Linda 82 says
?? u rock and u dont need dix pack to be sexy
Linda 82 says
Sorry i ment six pack
Jana says
Go girl! You look amazing! Love your posts, keep them coming!
Noelle says
Jana! You’re the best. 🙂 Thank you!
sensiblysustainable says
You are a ROCK STAR Noelle! Love how you keep it real… like you said, there ain’t no shame in your six-pack free game, lol! You are gorgeous inside and out and a great encouragement to those who want to live healthy lives, but feel pressure from the societal standards of “beauty” and “health”… well done friend.
Noelle says
Thank you, Sarah! So honored to have your support and to call you “friend!” 🙂
Bekki says
You look awesome, and it’s great to hear that you FEEL AWESOME, because that is really what matters. I personally think the 6-pack look is kinda ew. I mean… it IS so hard to achieve, it shows that the person is very focused on that one goal. I prefer balance.
Noelle says
Bekki – for myself, I much prefer balance as well. Thank you for the support! 🙂
Jenifer says
I don’t understand this body conscious generation. It is more important to be balanced and healthy. We should be looking at who people are as human beings not who there are because of appearance. So many testimonies of eating disorders and health problems and we still have this in our culture. Girls and women and most vulnerable and it is sad. Thank you for advocating for good health! You rock!
Susan Young says
Can I have an Ayyyy-men?
Bravo.
Noelle says
AYY-MEN! 🙂
Tara @ The Healthy Habit Coach says
Really nice post! Thank you. I’ll be sharing it this week on my blog. Thank You for such important and simple wisdom sharing!
Peace, Joy and Abundance,
Tara Rayburn
Noelle says
Tara, thank you! I SO appreciate the support, and I love spreading the message!
steph says
This is what I’ve been waiting to read. Thank you!!
Noelle says
You are so welcome. Thank YOU for your support! 🙂
Jennifer says
I kind of pretty much love everything about this!
Maybe because genetically my body just doesn’t want me to have a six pack, I am in full agreement with this… 😉 But 100% agree with all of the above!!
Noelle says
YAY! Thanks Jennifer! 🙂
Mansal Denton says
I have to agree with what others are saying. Solid analysis and, of course, it’s more mental than anything. I feel like a lot of those great physiques are insecurity driven and mine used to be too.
Kristen says
Love this!! So proud of you Noelle! You are a beautiful person & you look amazing!! Keep it up!! Thank you for sharing!!
Kristen says
Also, wanted to add that after having two babies via c-section this is something I’ve really struggled with. I’ve been fortunate to lose the “baby weight”, but the mid-section looks nothing like it did 4 1/2 years ago. Your blog hits home and it’s filled with great reminders. 🙂
You’re such an inspiration! Thanks for keepin’ it real!
Noelle says
Kristen – that is awesome. So glad you could find some empowerment from my words. You are also an inspiration… keep up the good work! 🙂
emlor24 says
Girl, I love this.
Noelle says
Emily, I’m so glad you do. 🙂
bendiful says
Yes for this article! I just stopped doing whole30 because I couldn’t properly fuel for my runs and teaching and life. This post sort of goes right along with that I don’t think sometimes people are able to stop obsessing over weight and abs enough to realize your body needs things from you in order to function properly. You can get abs but most of the time it will cost you in other areas. Great post!
Noelle says
I’m so glad you are doing what is right for you. Thanks for the support! 🙂
Heather says
This was a much needed read this week. Thank you for your courage and honesty! From one of your new readers. 🙂
Noelle says
Thanks, Heather! So appreciate your support!
Padraic Devine says
Besides … with glutes like that ain’t no one got time for a six pack!
Noelle says
HA! Padraic – thank you! 🙂
Rachel says
I started crying when I saw your pictures. I honestly can’t recall a time before when I was able to look at pics of any other woman in a “health blog” and say “that’s MY body. That’s what my body looks like and that can be ok?” Thank you. I always play a mental fight of “are you training to be capable or training to be lean” and you’re right. I can just CHOOSE which one I like better – pull ups and deadlifts please – and go with it. Honestly…thank you.
Noelle says
Rachel – I completely understand where you’re coming from. THANK YOU for letting me know you can relate. I want nothing more than to support women like you – and spread this empowerment to as many people as possible! Keep up the good work! 🙂
Sonia says
Yes! My body too!
Gringo In Situ (@Charles_Nankin) says
am i allowed to say that i way prefer this tummy to a crossfit tummy?! well seeing that the projected ideals of attractiveness are exactly what is under attack, we need to shout it out that: a body that signals health is a sexy body!!!
scientific data on attraction and a healthy body: http://bonytobombshell.com/bombshell-aesthetics-building-attractive-female-body-imaginable/
Noelle says
You can absolutely say whatever you want! And to you, I say HECK YEAH! Great article, I’ve definitely seen that one before. 🙂
Amber says
I appreciate what this article is saying, but know there are people out there who can maintain ab definition with out starving themselves, losing their period, damaging their metabolism, etc. I’m one of those people who has a body type that has a leaner mid section. I tend to hold on to fat elsewhere. Keep preaching body acceptance!
Noelle says
Totally agree! I don’t think six-pack abs are inherently “bad” or unhealthy at all – because everyone different. Thank you for the support, Amber! 🙂
Sonia says
I thought you made it very clear that you weren’t saying abs are bad for every body. I’m in your “camp”. When I had abs I was malnourished. I’m about 10lbs heavier (that’s a lot on this short 5′ 1″ frame), but my body is happy and nourished. Even though I miss the size that I was, I could never go back to counting low fat calories. I’m choosing to be kind to my body now, and in turn, kind to my family
Heathar Shepard says
Love your article here. Thanks so much for sharing your honest story! I use to have six-pack abs and they really interfered with my digestion! I am really glad that I no longer have them!! Thanks for the inspiration!
Noelle says
Heathar – thank you so much for your comment, and your support! 🙂
NJones says
Most of the points she mentioned seem to be that she was not taking care of herself and was trying to be fit in the wrong way. I, and other women I know, have abs (not the bodybuilder type, but noticeable enough), and aren’t underweight nor do we starve our bodies of the nutrients it needs. Having abs doesn’t cause you to not have a period or to be malnourished. Having abs isn’t about attention either. If you’re at a healthy body weight and are an active person who’s metabolism runs high (which is healthy compared to running slow and what you want your body to be doing), excess fat will be shed and muscle definition will begin to show. Those muscles do include abdominal muscles.
Noelle says
Hi NJones! That “she” is me – Noelle. 🙂 Hi! Thanks for your comment. I think it’s important to note, for you, having a six-pack isn’t about starving yourself or gaining attention. And it’s great that you don’t lose your period. However, for many other women, it’s a much different story. Many women end up compromising their health to gain the leanness needed to show a six-pack. This “leanness” is different for everyone. For me, once I drop below 20% body fat, my period disappears. But, for some women, that’s not the case. As stated above, I definitely don’t think six-pack abs are inherently unhealthy or bad. So, if you’re happy, naturally lean, and healthy with a six-pack, high five to you! This was written for the women, like me, who have struggled with pursuing a specific body type based on conventional standards of attractiveness, instead of pursing overall health.
Sonia says
Are some of these people actually reading the entire article or just skimming?? Smh.
Krista says
@NJONES did you actually read the article?
Martha says
Finally a comment from someone with shine kind of sense. I totally agree with you NJones.
Jo says
Yes, thank you NJones and you Martha. The article and the fatlogic comments that follow are just too much. I too maintain a six-pack (the bodybuilder type, since people seem to be labelling them now) without overtraining, under eating or affecting my menstrual cycle. I also have had 2 c-sections. And it’s not “genetics”, Noelle, there is no such thing as “naturally lean”. Being fit and looking fit are not separate things. And being and looking fit are not something that should be seen as bad, wrong, or unattainable.
Mary123 says
I think it’s pretty clear from her article that she definitely doesn’t think being fit or looking fit is bad, wrong or unsustainable. I have abs and don’t feel defensive. She clearly values health and fitness, just not unrealistic standards that some women dangerously push themselves to in the hopes of achieving what has becoming the attractive body type. She says it multiple times that each women is different and their body reacts to things differently and that it wasn’t a healthy goal for her. That’s the key, she’s letting women know that she like most of us, had a hard time when that was her only goal. And it was only her goal because we are bombarded with unrealistic images of beauty daily. I think that genetics definitely plays a role, people have all different kinds of body types. Some more easily see results and muscle definition and others don’t. No way is accusing people who have abs of anything.
Noelle says
Thank you, Mary. Well said. 🙂
Sabrina says
You have expressed everything I struggle with everyday. Thank you.
kim says
I love this post so much. I was thinking about this while I worked out today, how far I was willing to go, if I really wanted to attempt to compete in a figure comp, etc. I am coming to the conclusion that it’s probably not something I want anymore. Reaching my weight lifting goals is far more important to me. I love moving heavy weight! Anyway, thank you for this post!! Love it!!!
Sara says
I swear we have the SAME BODY!!! I have had excess belly fat since I hit puberty, the ONLY time I had a six pack was the month before my first, and only, figures competition. But, I was freezing al the time, had crazy brain fog and was eating no carbs. Yes, I was so beyond excited to have a flat midsection. To the point that I flashed it at people whenever I saw them, seriously I swear I did it. Clearly I wasn’t thinking straight (this is what happens when one doesn’t eat carbs)!! Anyways, within 2 weeks post comp they were gone and I beat myself up about it. I have great guns, a wicked upper back, with a tire around the middle. I know I need to accept it and be proud of all that I am can lift. So THANK YOU for writing this and helping me see the light!
hay says
Oh Brilliant article… I have a fitness background and see this happening so often.. I even got to this point.. your number 8 example why not to is one of the best I have heard.. Here you are trying to impress people that you don’t even know… Such a fantastic story .. I have shared in the hope that other people who are trying to get to this stage reads it…
Adriana says
Great article. I have always wanted six pack abs, but of course, I do not have them. I also am not a lean person and have to fight for every pound lost. The last few months, I have gotten stronger, healthier and not lost a single pound. But I know that it’s ok and your article really highlighted that a six pack isn’t the end all to fitness. I still would love to have them and also admire those who have them, but am fine with how my fitness is going right now. Thanks!
April Harkness says
You wrote exactly how I feel. Like the above who said she struggles everyday..Sometimes I just feel like a fail because I am a fitness professional and I don’t have them. Now, don’t get me wrong.I did have them before. But I also lost my period. My hair fell out(and I wasn’t doing any long cardio either.) Wasn’t worth it. Plus I like to eat, plain and simple. I finally am at a place where I like to be strong and am happy with that.. I like deadlifting and squatting(and just like you- I didn’t get six pack abs!) Thank you so much for letting women like me know we are not alone!
April Harkness says
oh and by the way.. the pic next to my name is when I had six pack abs(and I was a bitc…you know what..) I did not maintain that look. I rebounde HARD, but I am happy where I am now. I really am..now if I could just figure out how to change my gravatar…
Sonia says
I competed too, and the rebound is devastating. So glad I’m done with that “world”.
april zusman says
I loved your blog..I feel the same way. Every body is different. I accepted long ago that I will never have a flat stomach. Just not the way I am built I have boobs,hips, thighs and a butt. I am a woman. I strive to be strong and fit not what the “ideal” is. Thank you for this post.
Nadja says
Very well said Noelle. I did have similar goals and training too much alone was so much stress my health was compeomised big times. I am currently working hard to recover. Pilates and Yoga – I still cannot do much more. The world needs more articles like that. Cheers!
Tania says
Hi Noelle, great post! I think that the overall problem is that people are just focused on having six-pack-abs, instead of enjoying sports.
I’m sure that we can get better results enjoying sports and as a result of your sport get a six pack abs without looking for them 🙂
Tracy says
Hi Noelle, this isn’t something I normally do, but when I came across this on Facebook (Diane Sanfilippo had posted the link) and read it, I felt compelled to say THANK YOU!! [you can’t see but I’m actually standing and applauding you for this incredible post 🙂 ] Like many others before me, I can’t begin to tell you how much I love what you wrote and greatly appreciate your insight. Plagued with the desire to achieve the coveted six-pack since childhood (believe it or not), twice I took it to an unhealthy extreme, the most recent being the worst physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually–a real eye-opener to say the very least. Now that I am back to a much healthier weight and overall lifestyle, the mental, emotional, and spiritual struggle still remains–having to now learn to “accept” this new body–but reading this post, your words echoing my sentiments as well, provides a validation and strength in knowing (as cliche and corny as this may sound) that I/we am/are not alone in the struggle and the triumph.
Your entire post was incredibly moving and this last part especially hit home:
“So, next time you’re so inclined to “pin” an image adorned with six-pack abs designed to tell you ‘your body isn’t good enough unless it looks like this’ – I challenge you to ask yourself, ‘Who am I doing this for?'”
Bravo! Keep following your bliss 🙂
Sarah says
I appreciate everything you shared in this article. What a great balance of truth and realistic thinking. It’s time to re-train what we think is healthy and what actually IS healthy. I’m learning that just because someone might look cut, it doesn’t mean their insides are healthy or that their body is functioning in a healthy way. I think it’s society’s obsession to look great at any cost as quickly as possible. But health is a lifestyle and has to be approached holistically. Thank you for writing this, such great truths that women especially, need to hear!
Amanda says
Holy moly it was like I wrote this! I went through a massive psychological overhaul about 9 months ago where I finally kicked the whole “exercise to look a certain way (ie. abs)” to the curb and started moving and fuelling my body the way it wants. So freeing! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Rebecca says
Yay girl yay! That article was such a breath of fresh air! I can sooo relate to you on everything. I love your courage and I feel inspired to be courageous as well! Xoxo
Sarah says
I think you have written great points on being healthy. I am naturally slim, but want to find some time to exercise. People assume I think I need to lose weight. I just want to feel healthier then I do right now. It is all about how you feel inside not what you look like. People can’t alter their genetic makeup, sometimes they can’t be a size 2 while others can’t gain enough to be a size 2. I think you look like you are in great shape without the six pack! Keep up the great work. I am thinking about doing some exercise right now…
simonne says
Thats such an important point that abs aren’t the epitome of a healthy body. Itpph the older version of the thigh gap…healthy and pretty natural for some and not so much others. I have a friend who just has visible abs wether working out or not. I half starved and ran myself into the ground before I acheived the definition I wap happy with. I destroyed relationships by been withdrawn and obsesed. Im 26 and two years after weight recovery I’m still dealing with amnoreah and hormonal issues. keep shouting this message noelle!! well done, I understand how hard the mental shift back is!:) strong lady x
MomOfFive says
What a great post! As the mother of 5 amazing children I know I will never be the tall thin girl I was in my teens and early 20’s. But I am extremely happy to be the tall, somewhat curvy (6′ tall and where a curvy size 8) mother that I have become in my late 30’s (okay I am rapidly approaching 40). I take the time to feed myself and my family healthy foods and I go to the gym 3-5 times a week (2 of those is working with am awesome trainer that understands my goal to just be healthy). I do have a couple of daughters that somehow have the genes to have a six-pack, but they don’t obsess over it, and they don’t flaunt them to their friends.
Anyway, I just want to say THANK YOU for writing this and I think there are so many people out there that can benefit form reading it!! Keep up the awesome work!
Wendi says
Love this post! I think you look fabulous and I’m glad you feel healthy and strong!
Rich says
There are plenty of ways to get six pack abs the correct way without having any of the physical or emotional issues you seemed to have.
It seems to me the problem was your lack of knowledge on proper nutrition and proper exercise to achieve the six pack needed to achieve your goals.
SB says
Love the article! Felt like the 6 pack was my “key” to attractiveness all throughout my formative years and did the same starvation damage – which lead to early menopause and an overall endocrine shut down. Awesome. Now I just want to see my curves again! :/ At any rate, what do you do for abs – anything specific?
Noelle says
Hi SB! Sounds like we have similar stories. Keep taking care of your body, I have no doubt you’ll restore your health. 🙂 I am BIG on core! It’s been the key to building strength and stability in my back. I do some weight exercises, and I use tools like a stability ball. If you’re looking for a good place to start – pick up Paul Chek’s book How to Eat, Move and Be Healthy. He has some awesome exercise that will teach your core how to engage properly, and also has great progression exercises once you start to build strength.
Allison says
This seems to me like a way for you to justify the fact that you have too much body fat. While I agree with some of what you are saying, there is nothing “healthy” about having the excess fat you have on your waist, and abdominal fat is the most unhealthy type of fat to have.
There is such a thing as being too lean, but you are definitely not there yet. I think you do want a six pack, and this is just you trying to rationalize not having to put forth the hard work to achieve it.
Noelle says
Hi Allison! Thank you so much for sharing your comment with me. I would, however, encourage you to read the post. As stated, this has nothing to do with “justifying” the way I look to anyone, it’s about me being happy with my healthy body – whether it fits into conventional standards of attractiveness or not. At 22% body fat, I actually don’t have “too much body fat,” and oddly enough, my waist measurement doesn’t signify that I have “excess fat,” nor does my 4-6 pant size. So, I’m not sure where you are getting your information from on the status of my abdominal fat and it being “unhealthy.” If you’d of read the post – you’d know I once did the things necessary to achieve a six-pack, and now, I focus my efforts on other things – to include much more intensive workouts!
For me, once I drop below 20% body fat, my period disappears. But, for some women, that’s not the case. As stated above, I definitely don’t think six-pack abs are inherently unhealthy or bad. So, if you’re happy, naturally lean, and healthy with a six-pack, high five to you! I’d encourage you, however, to keep an open mind about the definition of “health,” and consider being an encouragement to other people whether you completely agree with their ideology or not. 🙂
Carlos Alt says
There is such a thing as being too lean, but you are definitely not there yet. I think you do want a six pack, and this is just you trying to rationalize not having to put forth the hard work to achieve it.
Elizabeth says
And you, @Carlos Alt (assuming you’re a male) is what is wrong with society and the relentless body image struggles women face. There is no “rationalizing” not having to put forth hard work. There is beauty in a woman who wants to be fit, but recognizes that her health is compromised by overdoing it to achieve an image. All bodies are different, and react to training in different ways.
Lona says
I think you look great! These people saying you have too much fat are full of …well, you know.
Stesha says
Noell, I understnad the pain it must make you feel when people misunderstand what you are trying to say through this article. You are simply trying to “free” your fellow fitness-oriented women peers from the demoralizing standards they place on themselves. I too, have gone through a period in my life where I was a slave to my own standards of exercise and eating (or should I say starving). I have never had a good relationship with food or exercise. I would experience a profound anxiety after I finished a meal (which would be low fat and low calorie, mind you) and felt as if I needed to get on the elliptical and “burn” off the calories right away! Sure, I was skinny, fit and toned, but also moody, crabby and self-centered.Now that I have discovered the paleo lifestyle (high fat, mod protein, low carb, weight lifting) I have attained a healthier weight, body fat percentage (18%) and attitude toward food. My mind is the happiest and weight-free (pun intended) it has EVER been. So I totally understand the concept you are trying to realay through this article! It’s the concept of not killing yourself just to have the prized six-pack or prized butt- or prized jean size!
Now as far as the women that are making degrading, ignorant comments about your so called “unhealthy belly fat” (who probably didn’t even read the article anyway), are most likely dealing with the internal, self confidence issues that you are so trying to help them out of!! Now instead of getting defensive (which you aren’t becasue you are hihgly confident and happpy with your body) or becoming unnerved (because these women aren’t getting the picture), I think you should be very sympathetic and pray for them. Becasue you must remember, that you too were once stuck in this fitness obsessed realm (although I can’t imagine you ever criticized a fellow woman for how she looked), and you found the way out. So just pray that they find the light and pursue a healthy, respectful life for themselves and treat others with respect as well. That’s all we girls can do 🙂 Thanks for listening!
Noelle says
Stesha – what an amazing outlook you have on this all. Thank your for your thoughts – and for your encouragement. While it is so disappointing to see so much judgement on the internet in regards body type and weight – praying for others who are struggling with insecurities is definitely the next step. Thanks for keeping it real, and honest. Love having your support!
Elizabeth says
I love this article and think you look fit and healthy. Having a “six-pack” is not an indication of health. I know several people who are “cut” from head to toe, but are not truly healthy. When they stop training, they balloon with minimal increase in food intake. Not healthy. A person can be in excellent health with a sustainable exercise regimen and well rounded diet, and not have every muscle outlined. Sure, you could consume your life with a training program that would take every ounce of fat off of you, but in addition to the harm that can pose, most of us have more to do with our lives, that contribute to our happiness… which also contributes to our health.
After reading, I read the comments certain to find a troll who just had to leave an inappropriate negative comment. Congratulations Allison, you’re one of (fortunately) very few. I don’t see excess fat on her waist, I see a healthy toned woman. She doesn’t want to be “too lean”, she wants to be healthy. When I look at her, that’s exactly what I see, and someone that works hard at it.
Kudos to you Noelle, for recognizing what works for you to maintain a healthy body. And for being proud of what your body is capable of.
Lacey Jaie Bouza says
You reminded me I needed to get working harder for my bikini body, which requires a six pack 🙂
Heather says
Praise God for overcoming the battle with self! I struggled with anorexia and exercise bulimia for 14 years until I gave my life to the Lord and he delivered me from my addiction! Now I have a child and have gone back to exercising in the past year after not exercising for 3 years. Due to having had a c-section with my son I now have diastasis recti where my abdominal muscles never reattached. you have written a great article and I’m so glad to have read it! May the Lord bless you and continue to grow you and give you peace!
jenna says
Heather – I know this is such an old comment but i just wanted to tell you congratulations for your recovery and finding the Lord. This world is not our home and its not our job to manipulate our bodies while we are here! Instead serve the Lord and take care of it! I hope you are still doing well and staying strong! XO
catharine says
You go girl. I have long thought that unreal expectations of our bodies are incredibly unfair. We allow our children to grow and blossom into who God made them to be….why do we force our own bodies into one same “desirable” mold? Being healthy is awesome. Being obsessed with working out is not. Kudos to you!
Ashley says
What a great post! I hate that I am raising two little girls in a world filled with unrealistic body images. Having three children I am work hard to accept my post-babies body, I ate a lot more healthier and workout, sometimes with my kids at my side. Hopefully we can overcome the media’s take on health/fitness.
Shannon says
The most amazing thing I’ve read, I am a very fit person. I workout 6 days a week and eat a very balance diet however I’ve always had it stuck in my head that I needed to see that six pack to be considered fit. I knew deep down inside this isn’t true and after reading your article I know I am awesome without my ab muscles showing. Thank you so much!
Missmelly says
I love this so much. As someone who does have a six pack, suffered the hormonal imbalance (that I, nor doctors were aware of), I have spent months trying to “undo” the body fat level that has hurt my ability to have babies and be a functioning woman! So glad this is being talked about….this may be tmi, but did your period come back when you upped your body fat and how long? I need encouragement to stay focused sometimes!
Noelle says
Thank you for your comment. I SO appreciate you sharing that. As for my cycle, I have to say – I wasn’t tracking it closely. But, it was gone for a good 2 years. It became more regular about a year after reducing my training and allowing my body to gain back some necessary body fat. If done with intention, your body will recover. Hypothalamic amenorrhea is absolutely reversible. Stay consistent, keep nourishing your body, and I believe you will eventually be on the “other side” of this. Email me at info (at) coconutsandkettlebells.com if you need any encouragement! I’m full of it! 🙂
michael liberman says
I hear what you are saying. The reason you became unhealthy is because you didn’t go about it the proper way. Your problem is you reduced your caloric intake, without increasing your nutritional intake. The issue is not how many calories you take in, the issue is, how nutritionally dense each calorie you take in is. There are ways to do it. I know plenty of people, myself included, and women also, doing it.
Best Regards,
Michael
Soja says
Hey I’m a guy but I can relate to this post. I have never in my life had a six pack, even when I was at my lowest and most fit weight. I’ve always had to suck in my stomach a bit to see definition in my abs. I’m almost 52 years old now, I’m vegan, can run a mile in 6.5 minutes, lift weights, and overall very fit and healthy. I still have to suck in a bit to see my abs,as I did as a teenager, but I’m still in hot pursuit of six pack abs. Why? Because of everything you stated in your article. I’m learning not to deprive myself of certain foods, dating, and a social life because of my fitness aspirations, but I do think about everything I eat and I workout about 5 to 6 times a week.
I did go from 260 lbs to 180 lbs over a 10 period and conquered high blood pressure and diabetes type II, so that’s the most important part of my journey over having a six pack.
clare @fitting it all in says
LOVE THIS POST. And your style of writing. THUMBS UP.
Rae says
This was an absolutely amazing article. Thank you so much for sharing your story and views. It was truly inspirational!
Matt Gersper says
What a great message, Thank you! Would you consider being a guest on our blog at Happy Living? Our mission is to improve the health and well-being of the world, one person at a time. I believe the wisdom you have gained would be valuable to our community…
tammie says
Thank you so much! A young healthy fit lady i can say wow! I have heaps of fitspo on my Instagram account and its filled with zillions of pics of beautifully lean girls and there amazing 6packs. something ive always wanted. Im not naturally lean, im not fine boned. Ive struggled to keep a healthy attractive in my own body weight since i was 16 ( now 28). True stand out in your face abs is something ive always worked towards but i just cant quite get there. I get so close before i physically burn out. To lean up i need to cut my calorie intake close to nil. Im a mum of 2 boys and i need the energy and it just not possible for me to sustain. Not to mention the injuries i sustained when i started eating little and exercising without rest . Me, well i dont have a sick set of rock hard abs but i do trend some pretty guns! Its given me joy to see someone who actually looks like what i am today. I eat extremely well i exercise and im fit and healthy. Its given me confidence that i am in fact fit and healthy. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! xxx
Danielle says
Such a balanced, well-written article. It’s important to take care of ourselves without going overboard or trying to aspire to what is portrayed in the media as the ‘perfect’ image. I hope you will be an inspiration to others.
Anna @ Healthy Living Maintenance says
I wish there was a LOVE button on this post. I am currently dealing with my own bout of amenorrhea (I called it hypothalamic, my RE called it exercise induced… really, one in the same) and haven’t have my period for almost 9 months due to over exercising and under eating.. and major amounts of stress (wedding planning, moving into first home, mother in law passing, finishing graduate school… yea). Anyways, I digress. A few months back I realized my amenorrhea could have been because of my exercise regimen and the fact I wasn’t eating (basically any) fat in my diet. I changed everything around and have put 8 pounds since last summer. My abs are less defines, my legs, thighs, hips and chest have all gotten a big bigger. But guess what? I finally reached that 22 BMI I wanted to reached. Wahoo!! I feel changes happening in my body and am hopeful my cycle will return naturally and I can have a baby sometime soon (or whenever it decides to happen) 🙂 Ok – there is my story. So thank you. Thank you thank you for touching on this touching of being healthy over having shredded abs. (ps. I’ve been writing about my HA journey on my blog – would love to connect!) xo
Sara|Lou|Yoga says
Noelle! I LOVE this post, and its so so true and something that I have a hard time with in social media. Now that I have a frequent Yoga practice and am getting stronger I am noticing a lot more definition in my ab area but I’m so happy that I’ve come to a point in my life where I can just acknowledge that its just a by product of doing something great for myself. I would never want to make it a priority! We all have gifted bodies and its time that we focus on each one of our strengths rather than trying to fit into one mold.
Mauricio says
Sorry you had to go through with what you went through but As with everything in life, there is a right and wrong way to do things. You obviously did it the wrong way as it took your health and happiness! I believe if you had gone to see a well recognised/ experienced personal trainer who specialised in body composition by doing it the “healthy” way such as Biosignature Practitioner, you would have achieved your goals while feeling happy and healthy! I have personally done it to myself and countless of clients!
Lora says
Great article!! I love it!!
Aleksandra says
I like your article very much.
I look also very much like you, thou I am not so strong… yet 😉
And I still would love to have nice six pack… I actually have, just still too much post pregnancy falt left + my earlier lazyness (caused by thyroid problems) + fortunately gone food disorder (sweets overeating)
But I like your thinking. And I am happy I am not the only one. But as you say, health first.
I never understood girls who excercised till their limits, sometimes even over… and well they look(ed) good, but what happens when they stop? They loose this “perfect” look.
I always thought “it is not for me, I am too lazy, so ok, it is my fault that I don’t look so great”. But from other side I know that I am listening to my body. I excercise when I can. Sometimes only deadlifts, sometimes some other favourite things, sometimes only 5 minutes, sometimes 30. But for me there is no ” must do”. Just when I feel weak or tired I skip my workout, no harm done, at least I can give my body more sleep.
And I still believe that finally I manage to burn that fat from belly, keeping all healthy eating and activity, and also not getting paranoid 😉
Michael says
Aleksandra it can absolutely been done safely. All you need is the proper nutritional system. It’s 80-90% what goes in your mouth. Without the right nutritional program you have no chance. I would be happy to show you.
Kelsey says
THANK YOU!!!!!! I have recently been trying to “not look at my stomach as much in the mirror” so I will avoid feeling bad the entire day if it isn’t 100% perfect. (what is the perfect stomach anyways????) This post just confirmed my husband’s advice to give it a rest and just be HEALTHY and strong. He loves my body just the way it is!
THANKS FOR WRITING THIS!!! I am going to bookmark it and read it when I feel down.
Sal. M. says
Im a male athlete, and came across this article. i want to SALUTE you for writing this. you are fierce and what you wrote will help alot of women AND men. keep going at it. nothing makes a girl more beautiful and gorgeous than her self confidence and acceptance of who she is. 🙂
Odessa says
I love this, thank you. As someone who has been recovering from an ed for 2+ years ago is onto fitness and follows too many girls with six packs on instagram, I am constantly feeling inadequate because I too am not just naturally super lean and have not been able to get lean enough for a six pack. I know I’m too hard on myself but hearing someone else, a beautiful and strong girl, say this makes me feel better because I too can be a beautiful strong girl without a six pack. Stay inspirational.
Natcha Maithai says
Amazing blog post. I totally experience a very similar story line.
Meg @ Meg the RHN says
oh em geeeeeee best post ever, girlfraaaaan! love it!
jumpfornourishment says
I love this! And you look beautiful, healthy and happy (which is the most important!)
Jay says
I work in the fitness industry, and we are always trying to push supplements and personal training to people regardless of how good they feel, or look. If you’re a woman in the low 20’s for bodyfat percentage (which is perfectly healthy), we’ll still sell you the idea that leaner is better. If you’re a slim 140lb male runner, then we’ll make you feel like you’re a weakling who can’t bench press his bodyweight. Even if you look absolutely great and strong, we’ll still try to sell you shit to “take things to the next level”.
Reality: As long as you’re not actually obese and feel strong and vital, then you’re fine. Oooh, the fitness industry. It messes with people’s self esteem pretending it helps it.
Noelle says
Thank you, Jay. You are spot on. SO appreciate your perspective. 🙂
Leanne says
I’m so happy to have stumbled upon this post! Love your attitude on health and fitness.
Noelle says
Thank you!! 🙂 So glad to have you and your support!
djslater17 says
Very well stated. I also can relate to this. I always believed that obtaining six-pack abs was essential to my well being. Turns out, I’m better off keeping fit and healthy without worrying about the definition of my core.
It seems to all stem back to what society tells you is attractive and what isn’t. And in the process, they bring in models who are under hydrated at that moment and snap a few photos with proper lighting. Then you have all the touch ups that take place after. In doing so, they establish a nearly impossible “standard” to obtain. Sure, some may be able to reach it, but at what cost? And for whom? While attractiveness plays a role, a person’s character is what helps with longevity (at least for me). And great character amplifies attractiveness.
I absolutely LOVE and admire your confidence and outlook. I hope more and more people read this and take it to heart. All the best in your current and future endeavors.
-DJ
Noelle says
Thanks DJ. So appreciate your comment, perspective, and your support! 🙂
Gina says
I really appreciate this! This is something that I have been struggling with for the past year – my roommate is one of those girls who works out all the time and has a really nice body type and hardly eats any junk food. I find living with her is difficult because it makes me more body conscious because I am one of those naturally not-so-lean people. Reading this gave me that extra boost of confidence to pursue a balanced lifestyle, and that it IS okay for me to sneak those chocolate mini eggs whenever the heck I want. Thank you, so so SO much for this. 🙂
Noelle says
Thank you Gina! I so appreciate your support. PS. No need for “sneaking” anything. You can absolutely pursue health, and be healthy while still enjoying treats every now and then. 🙂
Eastan says
Great read! I had amenorrhea for 10 years due to my never ending chase for another person’s body. Though I have overcome it mostly it’s still a tough daily struggle to accept that strong is beautiful ( for me) I absolutely appreciate what your article says and never really thought about the function of visible abs. Thank you for the new perspective!
Helene says
I just happened to stumble upon your site, and I loved this article. I’ve always played sports, but have never really been super lean which is something I struggled with for a while.
Melinda says
THANK YOU!!!! I really needed to read this, this am!!! I’m 46 and have never felt better in my life. I have been eating paleo for a year now and just started crossfit a month ago. I had a vision that I could have a 6 pack at my age. However honestly I want to live a little too. I think life is too great to have to be so rigid in striving for something hard to achieve, especially at my age. My goals are just to be fit and strong so that one day I can play with my grand kids (20 years or so from now) so… Thank you for inspiring me to just be healthy!!!! I love your blog!!!!
Noelle says
SO glad to do it, Melinda! Thanks for your comment – and your support! 🙂
Ariel says
This post just earned you another follower. 🙂 I started reading about the oil cleansing method on your blog, then found a rabbit trail to follow…. then I saw that you love Jesus (me too! High five!), and this post makes SO MUCH SENSE!!! Thank you for being real and for keeping your priorities in line. You’ve encouraged me to do the same.
Noelle says
Ariel… thanks for your comment! So appreciate your support. 🙂
Jackie F. says
Thank YOU!!! I’ve been battling this very issue for the last few months and struggling with a balance between not getting injured, recovering properly and just being healthy.
Krista says
Well said! It is refreshing to see this level of keepin it real. Stand proud & stay true!
Josie says
Holy Cow…I found my clone, except I’m blond and wanted six pack abs or at least close to it. I too, am a “larger” frame gal that can eat rabbit for 21 days and see no change or eat HFLC for a month and see no change. Nice to find someone that confirms it is not me. You have changed my mindset on abs. Keep up the great work of inspiring people to stay healthy not “look” like they are.
anne says
GREAT outlook!! And you are gorgeous and look so healthy! I have come to a lot of the same conclusions– tbh i skimmed the article cuz im dealing with some kina pollen allergies and am tired, but i love what you said about functionality. ive realized the same thing- and also how its so much more mentally healthy and more sustainable when you’re doing something for healthier reasons. def is freeing!! and more enjoyable. thanks for sharing!! 🙂 !!! you’re awesome.
Jo-Ann says
Fabulous article!! I am a Pilates Instructor and I try and teach my clients to have their goals centered around “how you feel on the inside” not on “how you look on the outside”. Your article hits the nail on the head from so many angles. Thanks for being you and for sharing your thoughts with the world.
Brian says
Great post, I’m a trainer and I have always for women that the ideal an maintainable goal for a healthy body is around 24-20%.for most women this will have a nice tone stomach with you upper abs showing slightly. This will also make sure that a woman will not have to deal with amenorrhea (loss of menstration). But. Most importantly I say don’t worry about the girls on the magazines let’s get your body to the point where you feel more confident and attractive for you and no one else
Xoli says
I see how you’re trying to make this about empowerment but it just seems like you went the wrong, unhealthy way about achieving a 6 pack so you have up and created a list of reasons why your jiggly belly is better anyway
Terry says
“Jiggly belly”, I must have missed that. Her belly looked great.
Vince says
Great article Noelle
Keep up the outstanding work
Dr. Sage says
Great post. I will share this with some of my patients. Not that you need my endorsement, but you look amazing! Well, I guess 98% percent of us think you look amazing. I bet you FEEL amazing, too. I am glad your post is garnering the attention it deserves. I see a lot of young men and women living unhealthy lifestyles striving for that 6-pack. We need more good role models like you to show them what healthy AND fit really look like.
Jordan Bach says
What an awesome, awesome, awesome article. Thanks for spreading some light & helping us reimagine our ideas of what beauty really is.
Deb says
You look strong, healthy, and beautiful!
Kiff Archer says
I’ll be 65 in a few months and have been a trainer since the 60’s….owned the first personal training gym in Canada and still train students over 30 hours a week…..your article is bang on ..keep up the good work..:)
Josie says
Thank you for this! I dream of looking like you, GORGEOUS 🙂 I’m with you, no one “needs” a six pack. I am super tiny due to some major stress which halted my self-care – people think I’ve got this amazing body but I’m actually sick. I am grateful for your bringing to light that a six pack does not define beauty or prestige. I certainly do not feel as beautiful as I felt at 10-15lbs heavier. I’m working on gaining weight and uncovering any illness but it’s not easy. All the best!
Minami Nathalie says
A looong due post, thank you for your honesty and REAL photos!
Stacey says
I could have written every word myself…and SO glad you did! I relate on every level and so happy to hear someone say it out loud. Keep on keepin’ it real…I dig it 🙂
rebecca says
I love this post so much. The way you used to work out pretty much sums up my attitude towards fitness. I’m always trying to achieve a flat stomach which I haven’t had for a long time. When I’m run down from stress and not eating people tell me I look great, it’s really disturbing that people think I look good when I’m malnourished it’s ridiculous the way the media portrays health to women.
Terry says
Thanks for the post. What a great read. I have always found it difficult to abtain a six pack despite all my training for triathlons. In the end I became happy with my body as is, strong and healthy with great endurance….and no six pack. The turning point came after watching my friend at a body building competition. She definitely had a six pack but came to the competition after a week of purposely dehyrating herself. This was the way she received her muscle definition ! She wouldn’t even use water to brush her teeth. It just seemed so crazy and unhealthy.
James says
i have read that some ppl are genetically unable to achieve a set of 6 pack no matter what they do is this true ??
Jim Milnet says
As a man I would much rather have my wife happy
And healthy than obsessing over so called “six pack” abs as this is just a sales pitch term anyway
And says nothing about true physical,spritual,and emotional lovelyness. I love u baby you are my beautiful partner forever!
Andi says
Noelle, Thank you for posting this. I am naturally a bigger person, wider than you are, and I have a butt, a very firm, large butt which my husband adores. However I have never, even when I had no period and was bruising from lack of food, had a 6 pack. My core is strong, probably not as strong as it could be, but I have guns like you and I stay fit and I love food, so I eat what I enjoy and not worry about the scale.
Amy says
Hm. I find this interesting. I definitely like your point of view- it’s not all about the abs. It’s about living day to day HEALTHY. I am a naturally fluffy person. I don’t lean towards lean. From age 10 on up i hadny been under 140lbs until becoming an adult and changing my eating.
I did however compete in a fitness competition and I believe it was one of the best things I could do for myself.
30% of your physique is because of genes- 70% is your lifestyle. When my 6 pack was popping I was eating WAY more food than I had been, but much less junk. I Ate Veggies And Lean protein and a mix of complex or even simple carbs depending on the time of day. I trained 5 days a week and did cardio those days as well (only ridiculous amounts the last 2 weeks before the competition).
If you eat right, it is healthy for a fluffy person. I had regular periods all 5 months of training with the exception of being 1 week late the last month. I was on my period at the competition. Eating the proper amount and kinds of fats will keep your cycles normal while you get lean.
Following that my periods continued nornally and 2 months following the *day* I was super lean on stage I became pregnant.
If getting your 6 pack you felt starving you need to change your eating, and it WILL grow your metabolism if you eat right.
I’m not saying it’s bad for you to not want a six pack. It does take effort, but don’t let excuses stop you from accomplishing something you’d like to experience. Doing it once can allow you to see the dedication it takes and know that you ARE capable of it.
I do agree with a lot of what you said but I guess to me I feel I’d you changed your nutrition up you’d likely find its not as difficult or harmful to yourself as you believe it to be.
Maria says
Great point! But you seem to disregard the fact that each and every women is different. Just because your body was able to handle your process (albeit a seemingly healthy one), doesn’t mean another woman’s body will register that same journey as a healthy/sustainable one for that particular woman. We are all different, and our bodies may or may not adapt to that level of stress. We have to remember that cutting calories and exercising are stressors that add on to other daily life stressors. Even a small caloric deficit is still registered as a stressor. Our daily life stressors are unique. We don’t know what kind of life each woman leads. So why judge or make assumptions on whether 6-packs are/aren’t achievable?
Shelley Mountain-Collette says
Thank you so much for your articles! This six pack propaganda is something that precipitates feelings of inadequacy in people; even people who are very healthy! As a counselor/teacher … I’m not a fan! I love your honest and authentic sharing. Thanks again! 😀
Elissa says
I love this post! It makes me so happy and proud to see pictures like this in a fitness article. I have a very similar shape to yourself and considered my tummy something to keep covered as you can no longer ‘see’ my six pack. But like you, my periods have returned and I’m happier to have this back than my visible abs….they’re still under there somewhere, I’m sure!!
Sophie Mae says
Hi Noelle!
I just wanted to THANK YOU so much for writing this article. This such a huge blessing to me (and obviously many others). I recently branched out into the fitness and health world and always thought that I needed to have a 6 pack in order to do it. Like yourself, I also used to obsess over how lean I was and how much definition I had in my abs. Now I am much more focused on overall health and what’s right for MY body.
I also loved that you touched on the “need for approval” subject. I really believe that if we all where just honest and asked ourselves what we really wanted and why we wanted it, physical appearance wouldn’t come close to being healthy.
I applaud you for being brave and defining your own ideal of beauty and fitness for you!
Xo Sophie Mae Fitness
Thomas Jefferson Wedge says
Great post! I appreciate what you wrote thank you.
whatwouldjennywearJenny says
Some people seem to be missing the point- personally, abs are (fairly) easy for me. I don’t carry excess fat in my midsection, and can have ab definition without dipping too low in body fat. Basically, when I am fit, my abs show. Everything you said in this article, for me, relates to my thighs! I am not very tall and I’m muscular. I’ve always had muscular quads and hamstrings, but no matter what, they don’t seem to slim down much. I’ve recently come to accept the fact that some people can have long, lean but still muscular thighs, but I am just not one of them. And I am finally ok with that! Great article!
Jami Lynn says
You’re beautiful, strong, sexy and vibrant!!!! This is going to help so many women!!! It already has!!!!me included.
whentheimageisnew says
Thank you for this! I look very similar to the way you look. I watch what I eat and exercise everyday. Although I’m very healthy, I think of myself as a “work in progress” because my stomach isn’t flat. I look at you and think you look gorgeous. Now its time for me to look at myself the same way! Why waste another 20 years of my life in pursuit of something so superficial.
Noelle says
SO true! It’s time to take your life back! Thank you for your support, and for the comment. 🙂
anniie says
Well you look healthy and awesome. I honestly don’t find a 6 pack attractive on women. I only like when there is a vertical line on both sides of the belly.
Rachel says
Hi Noelle! I recently started listening to your podcast: The Paleo Women. On the latest episode you talked about your post here, so I decided to check it out. You are so amazing for posting these pictures. I admire you! It’s terrible but I catch myself body shaming women or thinking in my head, “should she really be wearing that?”. Again, terrible, but I’m working on it! Why do we do that as women?
This article is how we should be thinking about our bodies! For me, I’ve always had a flat stomach but my thighs and butt OMG… And you know what I’ve come to realize at 25, NO ONE CARES. No one cares how big my butt is, because baby got back. And I’m not interested in losing my butt, because hello… picking heavy things up and putting them down is a whole lot better with my butt! And the person I’m in love with loves my butt!
Thanks again for posting this and I’m glad I stopped by your blog. How have I been living without it for this long?!
XX
Rachel
Noelle says
Rachel – thank you for your support, and for taking the time to write this to me. I so appreciate your honesty. I too have to “check” myself from time to time and examine why I might be judging someone based on the way the look – or what they are wearing. Typically, it has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with our own insecurities. LOVE having your support! So glad to have you as part of this rockin’ community now!! 🙂
crice460123 says
Hi Rachel – Honestly I do the same thing. I think most people do; I do try to stop myself when I realize I’m doing that…it is difficult though. I do have to say, I think that people should wear clothes that fit them well, regardless of their size and not squeeze themselves in to clothes that are too small, ill fitting, or not the right style for their body types.
Michele says
This post is better than therapy! Thank you for helping me feel better about myself. Your discussion with Stephanie about all the mean comments made me really sad AND angry. I think you are a wonderful role-model and would very much appreciate more posts like this! Hugs and love from and expat in Germany.
Noelle says
Michele – that is SO nice of you to say that. Thank you for the comment… and for supporting the podcast! 🙂
crice460123 says
Thank you for putting yourself out there for us. I just listened to the last podcast and was angered by what you said some of the responses were to this post. I am not a person that “gets abs” even at my leanest and smallest I never had “abs”, oblique lines is about all that ever show through. Granted my body fat has never been below 17% and I’m certainly not close to that % now. I just think that if your body is healthy and strong and then abs do not matter.
Leslie says
This was a wonderful article and just what I needed to read today! I love your honesty. You are awesome!
Phoebe says
What a beautiful, vibrant girl! I just loved meeting you at Paleo Fx! Your words and your smile make me smile and feel great about myself. Thanks!
Beth says
Just listened to the podcast (which I LOVE) about this post so I thought I should read. You look great and if you are happy with yourself that’s all that really matters. I think people can be mean, especially on the internet where there are no consequences to being nasty at someone else’s expense and you just can’t read that stuff. Its not worth your time reading it or responding to it. It was a great post and I agreed wholeheartedly! Molly Gallbraith has a similar story she writes about in her podcast today.
Love the blog, podcast!!!
kbanowetz says
Thank you so much for posting this. I struggle with major insecurities after being a very fit 125lbs in high school (10 years ago, I know, time to move on) and college and hitting 190lbs during an abusive relationship. I have a hard time remembering that I won’t ever be as lean as I was and that’s totally okay and I’m healthy at 150lbs. You’re pictures are gorgeous and this was just what I needed today. Thank you!!
Rynni says
Despite this being two years late from your comment,
Just wanted to let you know I relate. It’s been just over four years since I was at my best shape, ruined by a knee surgery and stress-induced sickness for another year. It’s hard looking back at what I looked like and what I could run/accomplish physically and how much harder I have to work for it now (with seemingly no results).
I hope you’re doing well, recovering well from the poor relationship, and continuing to have a happier relationship with fitness and food.
Just wanted to let you know that the feeling of looking back an x number of years and … yearning? is too real.
Jamie says
You look amazing. And can I say, you look me! Much of your past experience sounds like my own, and it’s truly refreshing to see a healthy and strong (and not naturally super lean) figure owning the body you were born with as you do. So bravo. I am a new fan of the podcast and heard about this post when you discussed it there. Screw the mean peeps, you know who you are and you are helping people with posts like this!!
Noelle says
Jamie… you’re the best! Thanks for the support, and for being a fellow encouraging woman! 🙂
danahammett says
Noelle,
I just want to give you a big awkward hug! I feel like I’m seeing my own body in your photos and that’s so incredibly validating. Thank you for having the courage and grace to put this out there!
Noelle says
Dana! YES to long, awkward hugs!! Thank you for your support. 🙂
Klm says
Noelle – I’m just listening to the podcast about this post and want to say that this post made my day. I’ve been trying to get from 23% BF to 20% BF and I think you looks solute my amazing. You’ve made me realise that if you loo so great then so do I!! I feel confident to be healthy for the sake of it, not continuing to beat myself up for not seeing that improvement in BF and being miserable. Thank you!
Noelle says
Kim! I’m SO glad to hear that. And you are so right – beating yourself up is only hindering you from having a rich, vibrant, and healthy life. Thanks for your support, and for listening to the podcast! 🙂
Style-Lee says
Thanks so much for sharing, great read and very interesting, its really more about having good health.
Daisy says
Ahh yes. Loved finding this article. I am in a similar situation. I’m strong, do strict pull-ups, squat like hell, have great muscle endurance, and workout pretty intensely all around but have no six-pack and don’t think I ever will. That is fine with me now. I was happy once I realized that this is my healthy body and I don’t need a six-pack as a stamp of approval. Great article!
Noelle says
Thank you Daisy! 🙂 So glad you found freedom in doing the things that make you a healthier person overall.
Tarrah Harnden says
Noelle- thank you for standing up and speaking out for yourself, real & authentic women. Thank you for speaking out against unrealistic media expectations. “Empowered women empower women”. I work for a place supports girls development across the life span. I am posting your site on our resource list for our Bodywise empowerment workshops for girls. Love to you!!!
linh says
Hi Noelle,
I love the article, thank you for sharing with us.
I notice you said you had HA while pursuing six pack. What did you to do get your period back?
Much love!!
Noelle says
Awesome! So glad you did. It took about a year. Totally recommend listening to Episode #008: All About Amenorrhea and How to Get Your Period Back. Hope that helps! <3
Kersten says
What a great post! Thank you so much, it’s time for people to understand what really matters is your health, strength and functional skills, not the aestethics.
melissa says
yup. awesome post. i don’t want them either…also cause i’m lazy. ;p and i love my life and a big part of celebrating effort is with friends, food and yes, some drinks. once, i almost had a 6 pack. i also had barely eaten in a month due to a bad break up. i was least healthy in my life. so there’s that.
fact is, i know my 6 pack is rock hard underneath my necessary and genetic layer of fat. i know it cause i rock sandbag class HARD. and i trail run HARD. and i feel GOOD and strong.
thanks so much
heidirobbo says
Hi, I really enjoyed reading this blog post and I totally agree! I have clients that are obsessed with wanting a six pack and feel like a failure because they haven’t got them – it’s crazy! It’s totally true what you have said, that a six pack takes a lot of time and effort, life really is too short, especially for people who have ‘normal’ lives, jobs, family… Loving your attitude to life! Heidi x
Catherine Cormier says
I stumbled upon this article because a blog that I follow shared it today. I have to say that I love, love, love everything you said! This is how I spent my mid-twenties and as I was turning 30 I finally asked myself why it mattered so much to me. After changing how I view fitness and healthy eating I’ve never been happier 🙂
Noelle says
Thanks Catherine! So appreciate your feedback, and support! 🙂
sprint2thetable says
I can’t love this post enough. It took me a long time to learn that my body just isn’t meant to have ripped abs and be healthy. My stomach isn’t flat, but I’m strong as an ox. And I’m happy as a pig in shit. 🙂
hungryforbalance says
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, THANK YOU. I love this post so much. I am not naturally lean and have worked hard for so many to fight my body’s natural tendency. As a result, I have severe hormonal imbalances that I’m still trying to correct.
It can be so hard to be part of the ‘healthy living’ community and not be lean with a six-pack.
I literally breathed a sigh of relief after reading this post. You are awesome and beautiful.
latelykelcey says
THANK YOU for this! I struggled with anorexia since I was 13 (im 24 now). I just started Paleo a month ago (before then I’m not going to lie.. I couldnt afford it really. Now i have a job) and have been listening to The Paleo Women and Balanced Bites podcast, and just finished reading Primal Blueprint. I was following the bodybuilding “IIFYM” flexible dieting/counting macros approach before and completley F’ed up my image of food and eating. Thank you for being so honest and approachable in your podcasts! I listen to a few every day now to catch up. This post is extremely comforting as recovering from an ED and following ‘fitspos’ on Instagram — 6 pack abs are hard not to think of. Thank you again. -Kelcey
Noelle says
You are so welcome! Thank you for your support – and for listening to the podcast!
Kassi Jones says
I am in love with this article! All of the things you mentioned before were my life for the past couple of years. My personal pursuit of a six-pack stole my time, health, period, and sanity. I’ve been in process of healing my body for about a month now, but reading this article finally put into words what has been going through my head these past few weeks. In the pictures you posted, I see a strong woman who is confident in her own skin and that is one hundred times more beautiful than a six-pack ever will be.
Liz says
I want to be like you so bad. I am trying and I have been listening to all of your podcasts. I find them very empowering yet hard to apply for myself. I have been paleo two years and intermittent fasting for one. I have been battling all kinds of stomach issues and I believe it’s due to the fasting. I have gotten lean while doing this so stopping it makes me fear puffing up. I can’t seem to get to the self love self acceptance stage and it’s making me miserable. I stress about the foods I choose to eat. I think about food all of the time. Ugh. I have to figure out how to break this cycle.
ceylan says
Hi Noelle,
I’m 30 years old and I used to have a flat stomach and I was very happy with that, until I started to participate pilates courses 3 months ago. Today I realized that I have six pack which I really don’t want to see on my body. That’s why I googled how to fix it but couldn’t find anything and then I googled again, as ”am i the only one who hates her six pack” and you wrote the only article that supports my thoughts. I just need to learn, do you know what I should do now? If I quit my pilates course today, I know that my stomach won’t be flat anymore, cause all these muscles will turn to fat. Do you have any suggestions for me??
Thanks so much
Noelle says
Hi Ceylan! Muscle doesn’t turn into fat, and stopping working out doesn’t mean you’ll all sudden put on more fat. Yes, muscle will become less pronounced, but if you love pilates, then stopping it may lead to unhappiness. If you’re body is naturally muscular, I would encourage you to celebrate that and continue to do the things you love. Hope that helps!
Andrea says
You rock! I’ve been bingeing the podcast since I discovered it a couple of weeks ago and was so sad when I heard about some of the comments about this blog. It always amazes me how mean people can be when they’re sitting behind a computer. Here’s the deal: It’s all about what’s right for you. I’m now 47 (yikes). I’ve been a lifelong athlete but more of the softball/volleyball variety. Started running during university and fell in love. Marriage, life, a couple of kids and 5 marathons later, I still love to run but a little knee injury pushed me into the gym and I realized how much I love lifting! So then I fell head over heels in love with Crossfit! 90 days in and counting macros has resulted in the leanest body I’ve ever had, crazy muscles and…a six pack! Craziness. AND I love it. But only because I’ve gotten to the point in my life where I can finally say it’s all about what my body can DO and not entirely about how I look. Yeah I like the way I look now, but really my focus is on nailing pull ups and double unders and countless other cool things. 6 pack or no 6 pack – we are all strong, bad-ass ladies who need to love ourselves and each other. Hang in there, chica!
Noelle says
Thanks Andrea! So appreciate your support! I’ve learned over the past year since this article was posted that people comments having nothing to do with me. It’s really great to be able to “own” exactly who you are, your goals, and what’s right for your body. And more women (and men!) are becoming empowered to do just that. 🙂
Debi says
Noelle,
I stumbled across this article today just as I recently decided that I don’t need to have a perfect stomach. I honestly googled, “I don’t want a six pack” just out of curiosity to see what would pop up and this was EXACTLY what I needed to read.
I have been working out at a fitness studio for almost 3 years and have lost weight and toned up, I am happy with how I look. I looked in the mirror the other day and was happy with what I saw. I’ve had 2 kids, have stretch marks on my stomach but I also have stronger arms, a firmer behind and toned legs. But I am human and the voice in my head was telling me for a couple years, I need to have that flat stomach with abs. Then I realized that I need to be happy with what I’ve accomplished in 3 years. There are things I never thought I could do and were so difficult in the beginning but are now so simple. (pushups, burpees…) I am also healthier and stronger than ever,
Noelle says
Awesome, Debi! So happy to hear that. 🙂
Christina says
Thank you SO much for this post. Your story is very similar to mine..except that I’m still working on correcting my hormonal imbalances 2 years after getting back to a normal weight. I haven’t had a real period (BC pill doesn’t count) in about 7 years and I’m working on getting it back. Any tips other than eating more?? I’ve stopped exercising other than doing yoga and resistance training with my own body weight. Just wondering what you had to do to get your period back?? Thanks again, you’re a great role model and I love your website!
Noelle says
Stress reduction, mental shifts, and eating more. Also, patiences! Thanks for your kind words. 🙂
Clare says
My story is so similar to Christina’s. I battled with excessive exercise and disordered eating for about 8 years and am now trying to recover from HA.
Your website is truly inspiring and I have just downloaded a whole lot of your podcasts.
Just wondering whether you did kettle bells during recovery? I have reduced my exercise to morning walks and little else, and have just made it back 18 BMI, but would really like to get a little muscle definition back (particularly in my arms). Thank you so much (and thanks for your inspiring comment Christina – there are many like us out there).
Noelle says
Hi Clare! Thanks for sharing. For me, I started menstruating again after I gain back about 10 pounds. I was severely underweight for my body, which was the root cause. Throughout the time I started to gain some weight back, I still continued to do strength training. This isn’t the best fit for some people, but I would imagine that lifting could be a part of your recovery.
Amanda says
Noelle,
Thank you for being such an inspiration! I just started listening to you Paleo Women podcast with Stephanie and I’m absolutely loving it. I just listened to your episode where you talked about the backlash you got from this blog, and I must say people can be cruel. However, you have so much grace and give so many ladies so much hope, especially myself!
I have recently come off BCP after being on them for 16 long years to control my PCOS symptoms. Before recently, I didn’t know there were natural ways to control it. But thanks to you, I now know there is!
My goal is to be as strong and brave as you are!
Thanks for the hope!
Amanda
Noelle says
Thanks Amanda. 🙂 Appreciate your support!
Siva says
Nice article Noelle,
I total agree with you comments.. even i dont want to train my self to get a six pack .
I would like see more articles of yours to know more about exercise and fitness.
its better to do what body really needs and rest of the rest we can spend time on other things.
I agree with your idea of spreading the love of Jesus which is so important 🙂
Thakns,
Siva.
Sam says
Noelle, I am a male in my 40s who regularly works out – running, walking and weight based training….while I would like to think I am strong and fit, I do not have a single chiseled area on my body…people around me sometimes make me feel worthless for it, make fun of what in their view is my useless workout routine…although I have had the good sense not to let that affect my fitness goals…
You made my day…thanks for reminding everyone that fitness is not about abs, chiseled body areas or even BMIs…..its about building wholesome strength and good physical habits….
Reading the article and comments just motivate me more to ignore the noise and continue what I do..
Bravo and more power to the likes of you
RaSheeda Dixon says
Glad you are happy with your body and know the goals you want to achieve thats awesome. Some people naturally have six pack abs hell i have them when i’m 180lbs its based off genetics and I rarely did sit ups but great article. Everyone has their ideal of what is healthy and what they want to look like can’t knock that KUDOS
Haven says
This is an exhilarating and beautifully written piece. Damn!!!! Preach. I am recovering from over-exercise-turned-restrictive-eating-disorder and while I have undergone so much incredible healing, body image is still a struggle. I’ve come to realize that not only am I “perfectionist” (dare I say, recovering perfectionist)? but that I have long harboured feelings of being less than others, not as worthwhile, not valuing myself and so feeling less valued by others. Your story resonates so profoundly: I was striving to achieve this idea of ‘perfect’ I had latched on to, hoping that then, I would be enough. Feel enough. Funny thing is, even if people DID like me less than others, the way I felt they did, it was probably a product of MY viewing myself as not good enough. That energy spreads. …And that “perfect” body was not the answer (especially because I prioritized exercise over time with friends. Or sleep. Or eating. Or anything).
Anyway just wanted to thank you and to encourage you to keep writing great stuff like this! I know it took courage and I think you rocked it and can see how many of us you have positively touched with your words. ❤️
Noelle says
Thank you, Haven! Thanks for sharing your story, and for your support.
Cori says
Hi! I just discovered your podcast and have been back listening and am currently on the episode where you talk about this article. I love personally love this and ya so refreshing to see. I have been on both sides where I was happy and confident in my body and the opposite where I overtrained and struggled with trying to attain a certain image. For me, that led to disordered eating and a drastic loss in confidence despite my body becoming closer to this image I had fixated on. Thank you so much for this article as well as your podcast!
Noelle says
Thanks Cori! And thanks for sharing! 🙂
Jenna Schoenbachler says
Hi Noelle,
First of all, thank you so much for your authenticity and kind words. I love listening to your podcasts. It’s taken over my phone! HAHA! Anyhow, I wanted to pick your brain about a few things. Well, a bit of background…I struggled with what the doctors called IBS (so broad) in my teen years but never was really concerned about my weight because I was very active and my weight was constant. It wasn’t until after having my first child that I felt the need to shed some weight, thus my P90X obsession and working out hard. I tried to squeeze into what I thought were cute jeans to make me feel better, only to feel worse. I still compared myself to other women…checking out their fit legs, butt and pretty faces. Though things are better in that area,honestly, still a bit of a work in progress my body is not cooperating. What i mean by that is that about 3 years ago I was diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Disease Stage 2/3ish and I adapted do that and accepted it. Not such a big deal now but then last January I showed signs of Sjogren’s Sydrome. It was apparent through my blood work that I had an autoimmune disease but in the
“Rheumatoid world”, you pretty much need the symptoms to go along with the blood work to be diagnosed. Right now I am asymptomatic. So, that’s good. However, so much has happened this past year. I started with Rosacea early spring and was on an antibiotic for 4 months (ridiculous I know), topical creams and a probiotic. I started to break out around my chin and on my cheeks. My forehead has these little “pustules” they are called that are very small but itchy. I stopped going to the dermatologist because after months of trial and error they didn’t know what to do and I was frustrated. My bowel issues are insane. They were okay but now it feels like shards of glass are going through my intestines. I have an IUD which will be coming out shortly but my doctor doesn’t seem to see any reason to do hormone testing or thyroid testing etc. I feel like being on the paleo diet would help but I don’t know how to do that when I can only have meat 4 times a week (has to be 4oz. or less and lean and I can only have 55-60g of protein a day). I am so fatigued and want to work out but find it so hard to get motivated and I only sleep about 6 hours a night. I can’t believe that I’m saying this but I would almost like to get a colonoscopy to see if there is anything going on or get my reproductive organs looked at because I have so much pelvic pain. Right now I am kind of in an elimination phase but I’m sooooo hungry. This is a lot of information but do you have any advice or words of wisdom to share. I’m at a loss. Again, thanks for just being you!
Noelle says
Thanks Jenna! So appreciate your support, and you sharing your story. We’ll send this question over to potentially be on the podcast as I think it’s the best place for it to be addressed. In the meantime, some of the women in the Coconuts & Kettlebells Coaching Team would be a great fit if you’re looking for immediate one-on-one help and advice. Thanks! 🙂 XO
Jenna Schoenbachler says
Shoot Noelle. I’m sorry that I wrote this in the wrong spot. I hope it can make it on to the podcast. In the mean time, I am meeting with one the nutritional therapist from this website. Thanks
Karalyne Martinez says
I searched “abs women realistic” and am so glad this article came up. How often are we told, “we are enough?” Not often enough. I love how you can still be healthy and hearty even without looking like the photoshopped pictures in the magazines. I would love to see more promotion on a healthy mind and body, what brings meaning to you? What brings out the joy in you? I encourage you to do that instead of strive for an ideal that is out of reach, leaving you feeling down and ungrateful. Start now, where you are.
Talia says
This article was possibly one of the most impacting articles I’ve read yet. I was a competitive gymnast my whole life and never had to worry about the perfect body because I was naturally active all the time and had a petite physique.
In 11th grade, I studied abroad, gained weight (mostly in my stomach) and noticed it for the first time in my life. I was incredibly mortified and decided I would be determined to get back the body I wouldn’t be “embarrassed” by. In one full year, of very strict eating, counting calories, going to the actual gym instead of gymnastics, and feeling guilty all the time, I managed to lose most of the weight I had gained. Ever since then, over 10 years, I feel like a slave to my obsession and my fear of ever having that extra weight or incredibly unattractive stomach again. I have worked with many therapists and have made progress from some of my worst moments. I still however, like your article so well talked about, strive for those perfect 6 pack abs – looking at my stomach every day, usually just to end up telling myself I might have gained weight or I’m not anywhere closer. I also know all of the positive things I need to say to myself and the right thoughts to focus on- but I still battle the voices of perfectionism and mostly fear.
I know I still have a lot to work through and a lot of insight to gain, but your article is one of the most specifically relatable I have ever read. It is so beautiful written and it’s as if you wrote it directly to me.
thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me and others like me feel like we have someone who not only understands us, but can direct us to a much more loving and healthier way of living our lives and caring and honoring our bodies!
Sarah Grove says
So glad I found this. My period has been MIA for 7 months and I directly link it to overtraining and underfueling my body. I look strong and healthy but my body feels unsafe so it doesn’t ovulate. I have all the children I want but I’m not willing to sacrifice my bone health for abs. Those abs aren’t going to do me much good when I’m laying on the ground with a broken leg because of brittle bones!
Kelsey says
You’re amazing! Thanks for sharing this message with the world. I struggle with comparison, both against my previous self and others, all the time and am currently working on loving my body for all that it can do and nourishing it properly as I work to get my hormones in balance after being on the pill for 11 years. I know I am making progress, but it is hard to stop thinking about my body because I have this silly fear that as a nutrition and wellness consultant people won’t trust me if I don’t look “fit enough”. I am strong and healthy, that is all that matters!! I listened to you on the Women’s Strength Summit (thus the comment on a post from 2015) and listen to your podcast. Thanks for doing what you do Noelle!
Erika says
Wow Noelle!! Thank you so much for keeping it real with this post and everything else that you have done for the health and fitness industry. I can relate to everything you’ve touched upon in this post, and I wish I had come across it sooner so that I could have avoided the mental pain and suffering that no one else seemed to be able to understand how to clear away. After asking myself, “Who am I doing this for?” I’ve realized that it is time for me to put an end to my restrictive, punishing ways in my approaches to nutrition and fitness, and to take this summer to focus on loving what my body DOES for me, rather than how it LOOKS to others. I love you so much and I hope you know that you’ve genuinely helped me and many others!
Ashton says
I just want to say that I can relate to everything you said and have had familiar experiences. I just started a blog about balanced living, and it is awesome to see some other people out there with the same views as me. It helps inspire me and thanks for posting!
Vicky says
Thank you so much for taking the time to write your story. This is an amazing article. After 20 years of yo-yo ing fitness/weight wise, I have recently eased up on the criticism and have been focusing on health. I was slumping today, though, but your article was a beautiful reminder. I will definitely re-read this when my brain wants to be psycho about being “perfect”.
Frank says
After reading your article I realized that you had put your life and your exercise obsessions on the road to anorexia. I am glad you were able to see clearly how this rigorous exercise program was affecting your personal life and developing bigger problems for you while you were trying to achieve the perfect body.
Anorexia is a subtle disorder and it doesn’t just happen overnight. But once you are trapped in a anorexic lifestyle it can take a long time to overcome it…and if you can’t overcome it it will ruin the rest of your life and even kill you.
I appreciated what you had to say in your article and it was well written. And I am glad your life is now filled with happiness and good health. When you have good health you have a good chunk of having everything. Thanks for sharing.
Noelle says
Hi Frank! Thanks for your thoughts! I actually wasn’t on the road to anorexia, although I was undereating and overexercising in hopes of changing my body. It’s a struggle MANY women deal with—obsessive dieting, trying to eat “clean” (sometimes referred to as orthorexia), and trying to train as much as possible. I thought my worth was somehow tied to my ability to eat perfectly and maintain a perfect workout plan, which drove my actions. While many women do deal with anorexia, which is a very serious eating disorder, all women who struggle with trying to eat clean and workout a lot are not anorexic.
Lauren says
LOVE this post, even if I am two+ years late to the party. You’re also an awesome writer, which helps get your point across. I love dispelling the myth that leanness = fitness. The two do NOT necessarily go hand-in-hand and you’ve vividly demonstrated that leanness can actually mean compromised health for some individuals. Bravo!!
vance says
I always wanted to get abs. and was always depressed of not seeing my abs. But seeing your prospective of abs made me feel a lot better. But you are right about abs are not the end of the world. We have other fitness goals. Thank you for the help.
Stay awesome,
Patricia says
Loved your article. Same here. I workout &. And eat clean robe healthy and fit. No interest in a 6 pack or “summer/bikini body”.
Christie says
I’m sharing this. Thank you so much. ????
Judith says
I think I need to print this and hang it all over my apartment.
So well written and true and made my realize that there are things worth so much more than having abs.
I just started eating Paleo since my Crossfit box is doing a nutrition challenge. So far it works really good. I havent slipped up once and I am actually not craving anything.
Just found your podcast and now I have hours and hours of listening ahead of me:-)
Noelle says
So great to hear! 🙂 Welcome to the community!
Rynni says
Hello, Noelle!
Saw that a lot of comments were older, with the exception of one, and wanted to let you know that your article is still being read! Being a naturally lean female, the natural “pooch” women have is particularly bothersome for me when I look down or in the mirror. However, especially hearing you relate the lack of a period from stress/training too hard, it helped me realize that … Maybe I could work on slimming down as a goal and maybe abs would be fun to look forward to with increased physical fitness, but … it’s okay if I don’t slim down that much. It’s too cold here to lose what fat I have, eh?
I appreciated this a lot. It was a great reminder.
LB says
I was looking for an inspiration picture that was realistic. Something healthy and possible for ME. Not a skinny 20-something with a nipped in waist (which I never had in my life, even when young and insanely fit). Not a 6-pack or even a 2-pack. As a middle-aged woman with diastasis and pelvic organ prolapse, it is hard to keep going when it feels like things just keep getting worse. I stumbled onto your post and adore you for it. You have what I consider an ideal body — just fit and beautiful. I know, I know. There is no ideal. Every Body is different, but this post just made me really happy.
Noelle says
Thank you for your support! I completely understand the struggle, especially being 10-months postpartum with my own issues. I have really surrounded myself with people who are trained in helping women properly rehab those conditions. Please let me know if you need any recommendations or help understanding how to approach fitness again!
Emma says
Great article, Noelle. You write really well!
Grace Webb says
Dear Noelle, I just came across this article and it really helped with my perspective. For two years, I have trained to join the Marine Corps, but I don’t have six-pack abs, and I thought there must be something wrong. I can do countless pull ups, make great run times, get perfect scores on the Marines’ ab test, but my stomach isn’t flat. I have had so many similar thoughts to the ones you wrote: “I’m not pushing hard enough. I’m eating too much. I’m not disciplined enough.”
I am built much like you (NOT naturally lean!). And when I lost 20 lbs while working out for the Marines, I eventually gained 20 lbs of muscle… which is great! But it got into my head that the scale numbers weren’t going down anymore. For some reason, I’ve connected fitness to a lean stomach–like it’s the ultimate proof you are finally in shape. I’ve really struggled to realize that being “in shape” truly looks different for everyone.
Thank you very much for sharing your journey. It really helped.
God bless,
Grace
jenna says
just discovered this article – thank you so much! such an encouraging read. I was curious – how do you know what the proper weight is?
Noelle says
I talk A LOT about this on my podcast. Highly recommend listening to it! Check out topics related to weight loss.
Jenna Kreger says
I know this is such an old post but just wanted to say how encouraging it was to me! I’ve overcome 15 year battle with anorexia and bulimia and I think the hardest part at this point is just learning to love the necessary weight gain. I get upset because i have cellulite even on my tummy but I know this is where my body is healthy and that is what matters!
Noelle says
Thank you Jenna!
Becky says
Hi Noelle! Everything you say here is exactly what I needed to hear. It’s what I preach to the women I coach but I don’t practice it myself. I found this post while searching for a satisfactory photo of six pack abs for my vision board… your writing helped me see the truth for myself: most of my vision board is about moves I want my body to do: strict pull up, unassisted hand stand, pistol squat… the six pack abs photo was anomalous but I didn’t understand why. Thank you for keeping it human. ~Becky